Hello Geese, I am coming to you because I feel I have no where else to turn, and I would like to have an unbiased opinion about my life. I have been married for 10 years this year, we have children, my husband and I met when we were both brand new to to the military and our relationship has never really been a happy one.
We ended up going to marriage counseling and he stated that he was not willing to put forth the effort to work on out relationship, so I have been seeing the counselor alone for the last year and few months. At our last session together she asked me if I had any hobbies or anything aside from the few jobs I had that I ended up quitting due to his lack of cooperation. I had nothing. So that led me to a local massage school, using my G.I.Bill, I attended and it changed my life. Then I was introduced to the movie The Secret in 2004, while we were overseas. Ever since then, I have been reading books about personal growth and empowerment and found a coaching program that I feel is going to assist me in harnessing my energy away from the negative, draining forces in my life and put it to better use for things positive.
Needless to say, my husband has taken notice of the changes I have made, it’s like he can sense that I am no longer willing to tolerate his manipulative ways, and I’m not. When people go from being the one who have been manipulated and neglected to empowered, do the people who played a part in that usually act on what they perceive is a threat? Or, do they think that their presence is enough to revert the person’s empowerment back to how they are used to the relationship being? Thank You! -Cathy
Hi Cathy.
In answer to your two questions at the end, I’d say yes and yes!
First, congratulations on moving forward with your career and passion. You are developing confidence in yourself and in your skill set. The more you continue in this fashion, the less your husband (or maybe ex) will be able to pull you back into the cave of darkness. So, keep doing what you are doing. You will know very shortly if your husband is on board with the “new you” or not.
Second, it is not unusual for a couple to grow apart, especially if they are not continuously working on the relationship together. Your husband has chosen to focus on his independence and his ongoing disconnect from you and the kids. For a while you did your best to fill in the gaps. Now, however, you have found your wings and your independence. So yes, I’m predicting that your husband will initially feel threatened and eventually try to pull you back, whether through guilt or criticism or outright directives. Should it get to that, have a Plan B ready to go.
Cathy, I’m proud of you. The biggest challenge you will face could still be ahead of you, especially when your husband comes home. Stay focused on your passion and desires and do not put up with any crap. You are role modeling something positive for your kids right now; don’t blow it by reverting back to the dark side.
-Geese
